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Don’t Lead With the Ask

posted on January 19, 2010

Let me be very blunt here.

Just because I follow you on Twitter or we are connected on any other social network, does not mean that we are buddies, friends or instantly connected by the mystical powers of the Internet.

What it does mean is that we’ve begun a relationship and if I’ve hit accept in some form then it means that I’d love to get to know you better. By speaking to thousands around the world via my podcasts, public speaking and other avenues I connect with a lot of people. I’m very open on accepting connection requests on most services.

Lately though I’ve been getting a lot of direct messages (Twitter’s way of sending a message to a single individual) from people I don’t really know asking me to do something. Retweet this. Blog about that. Share with your community.

asshat

I know that there is always going to be a certain level of that with the level of exposure I can give to something. But, whenever one of those comes in my first instinct is to unfollow that person rather than checking out what they are trying to get me interested.

Just because you have a megaphone, you don’t go walking into a cocktail party and start shouting out what you do and who you want to meet do you? Same thing online. Take the extra couple of minutes and drop me an e-mail to say hello and tell me about whatever it is that you want me to talk about. If you are really that passionate about it then I don’t know how you can fit that passion into only 140 characters.

I’m the type of guy that loves to highlight good things being done by great people. Anyone that follows me on Twitter will see that I share a lot of links to a variety of topics. I will always do that, but your link will not be one of them if the first thing I’ve ever heard from you is the ask.

Take the time to at least say hello to people online before you start pitching them and asking them for favors. It is the only way you or your company is going to be successful in this crazy world of the Internet.

Am I wrong?

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Categories: Rants
  • http://socialwayne.com Wayne Sutton

    No CC you are not wrong. I get asked to do the same thing, can I retweet this or share that. It’s one thing if I know you/support and its another if I have never heard of you in my entire life regardless if we’re “Twitter friends” or not. We all know it’s about relationships and trust. So why not start the relationship via email or another from of sending a message saying hello before you just send a can you do xyz for me without me knowing you are. #venting

  • http://www.realmendriveminivans.com PJ Mullen

    Nope, not at all. If they just wanted you to promote their stuff, then they should hire you. Goes against the whole concept of social networking to expect something before giving anything, let alone interacting with you on a certain level. Personally, I always appreciate it when I see that you’ve retweeted one of my links or shared a post of mine on Google Reader, but I surely don’t expect it or solicit it.

  • http://virginiamiddleton.ca/blog Virginia Middleton

    Great points and thanks for sharing CC. As someone who’s regularly in touch with media, it’s not fair for me to send DMs unless it’s a topic they’ve asked to hear about , or if we already have a good working relationship happening.

    Because really, hearing from someone randomly seems rather abrasive in my eyes. And you put it really well – how can someone really share or sell an idea in just 140 characters?

    It’s all about communicating, getting to know each other and not overstepping your bounds. I don’t want to get random DMs unless they’re relevant to me, so why wouldn’t you want to be treated the same way?

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  • http://richpalmer.com Rich Palmer

    Great post, CC. It is akin to the “just because I have connected with you doesn’t mean I automatically want to receive your agency’s email newsletter.”

    I have had a terrible time with LinkedIn connections. They assume I give them permission to add me to their subscription base simply because I’ve connected. Not so.

    Thanks for a good, poignant read.

  • http://www.jrblackwell.com J.R. Blackwell

    I don’t think it’s wrong at all. When your readers follow you, they aren’t just evaluating you on your work, but on the work that you promote. If you send me to something I think isn’t good, my opinion of you might drop. Your audience follows you because they trust you, and if you want to keep them, it’s part of your responsibility not to abuse that trust.

    When I follow someone awesome, I’m expecting a level of awesome. Someone who wants you to use your audience must then prove that what they’ve got to share will impress and delight your audience, that what they’ve got is more than a pitch, it’s something you are proud to attach your support to.

  • http://www.startupdaddy.com/ Ian Gordon

    You couldn’t be more right, C.C. It’s more than wrong to ask a favor of someone you don’t know, it’s downright rude. You nailed it when you said that the relationship starts when you accept that friend request. People who ask for something with their first real contact with you are nothing short of lazy spammers.

  • http://danieljohnsonjr.com/main/about Daniel Johnson, Jr.

    How I’d love to use a megaphone to shout this post out.

  • nycitymama

    (standing as I virtually applaud you!)

  • http://idoitdigital.com clintus

    great point sir. And I don't think you are wrong. The ones I hate are from people I do know and call friends but asking to promote something I really don't like or something I would never share with my online connections :/

  • http://idoitdigital.com clintus

    great point sir. And I don't think you are wrong. The ones I hate are from people I do know and call friends but asking to promote something I really don't like or something I would never share with my online connections :/