Dear Lazy Agency Worker Bees,
It has come to my attention that as social media has become more popular, that you've decided that taking the easy way without doing enough research would be beneficial to your bottom line.
I'd like to inform you just how lazy you've become and why you are not doing it right.
Earlier today I received two separate pitch e-mails that were nothing more then a mail merge fail mixed with a generic form letter. I include them here so that you can appreciate their utter laziness and lack of care for the client that you are pitching.
Exhibit A is fairly typical because since I created Digital Dads I'm automatically added to every mommy blogger list out there. Nothing makes me feel more like a warm, cuddly, feminine woman than a form letter written to a man. (Yes, update your spreadsheet because I'm a man not a woman.)
Exhibit B was a new one for me and I'm not sure if you were surfing for casting couch porn just before sending me the e-mail or something else, but I love that I'm more to you than just an XXX.
I'm writing you this letter because nothing upsets me more then watching an agency take a client's money and then do poor work for them. Sending e-mails like this not only hurts your reputation, but really hurts your client's as well.
I love being pitched about relevant topics. If you have something to do with travel, photography, technology, parenting, food, drink or a million other topics then I am interested. I love getting e-mails about things that I'm interested in. But, when you come to be about diapers (my kids are 10 & 12), makeup or anything else that as a red blooded male there is no way I'd be using then you've wasted my time and your client's money.
I ran a marketing agency. I've planned and executed outreach campaigns for numerous clients. I teach companies and students how to properly use online technology to do their jobs better. I'm only telling you this so that you realize I in fact do know what I'm talking about.
I'm not sure when exactly you got so lazy, but I'm betting it was after you read one too many Top 10 Secrets to Success posts, watched far to many "expert" webinars and probably bought a few too many instant success eBooks. Your on the hunt for a silver bullet and I wanted to inform you that there are none.
If you want to do influencer outreach, then you need to do the work, research and planning that is required to be successful. Banish mail merge from your vocabulary and send out each e-mail pitch to the individual you want to reach. If nothing else spend five minutes going to their blog and Twitter account to learn a little more about them and use basic old school manners to talk to them like a human.
You've gotten lazy and no one likes the way you are doing business. If you ever hope to get my attention for your clients new whatever, you've got to put in the time too. Play by my rules or go home. There is no other option.
Peace and be wild y'all.
- C.C. Chapman