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A Lesson in Saying No

posted on June 20, 2012

Yesterday, I passed on a speaking engagement after being told about the size and scope of the great event that people pay to attend and then when I asked what their speaker budget was I was told, “We don’t pay our speakers because we’ve found we get the same quality from people we pay or don’t pay.”

I politely declined the invitation.

Saying no is not easy for me because it is in my DNA not to disappoint people, but I’ve come to realize that business is business and saying no is a critical part of that. If people want to work with me, they need to value me.

This doesn’t mean I don’t speak unless you pay me. Each time I take the stage there is a different arrangement in place. But, in each of them I know that the organizers value me and my time and that is why I do it.

The same goes for consulting.

Over the years I’ve worked on a ton of campaigns. Some have won awards and others are still talked about to this day. I’ve learned a lot along the way and that experience is not something I can’t just hand over to you or give you in a simple sound bite. As Tom Webster loves to say, “you have to do the work.”

Is it fair for one company to pick my brain for free and then another pay a lot of money for my help? I love helping people out and sharing advice, but when it comes to developing a strategy, creating an engaging marketing campaign or something more than there has to be value in it for me as well as you.

Remember that every thing you say yes to takes away from something else. If I’m on the road, I’m missing my family. If I accept a speaking engagement with one event, I can’t accept a second one during the same time slot. For every hour I spend on a writing assignment, it takes away from me writing my next book.

Opportunity costs are sometimes more valuable than actual money. It is a constant balancing act. Likewise, this isn’t about saying no to everything that doesn’t pay you money. There are lot more ways to “pay” for something beyond just straight up payment.

I’ve always used the Hell Yeah! test when making a decision and it works for a lot of people. Try using that the next time you are debating if you should say yes or no to an offer. It usually serves me well.

If we don’t value ourselves, than no one else is ever going to. That is a fact of life that took me a long time to realize and honestly it is something I have to remind myself of quite often because of that nice guy thing I often don’t.

Saying no is one of the hardest things for a lot of us to say. When you really stop and think about that it is rather strange isn’t it? But, I know it is also the truth.

Everyone’s time is valuable. The knowledge in each of our heads is unique and valuable. Don’t ever be afraid to say no.

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Categories: Rambles
  • Michele Price

    AMEN. The Hell Yeah test is a good one, used for years. Even sometimes it starts off a heel yeah and morphs into a what the heck, chuckle.

    It is time for speakers to put their foot down to events profiting from our education and thinking they do not need to pay us.

    • http://www.cc-chapman.com/ C.C. Chapman

      I agree that experienced speakers have to get something out of events. It isn’t always money, but it has to be something.

      “heck, chuckle” made me laugh because I understand completely what you are saying.

    • http://elainefogel.net Elaine Fogel

      Michele, I agree – there wouldn’t be any conferences without good speakers. The challenge is that many people speak without fees, but they aren’t necessarily “professional” speakers. That’s why there’s so much confusion in the marketplace.

  • http://raulcolon.net/ Raul Colon

    If we don’t value ourselves, than no one else is ever going to.

    For the last 18 months I started rejecting clients which I can quickly see will not value what I am going to do for them. Normally they end up being the same type of client that no matter how much you document and explain expectations when you meet them they are not happy or want more.

    Saying no has been tough and has me living frugally but on the other side it gives me time to really focus on those clients that care about me and my other projects.

    Locally there is an epidemia that they don’t like to pay speakers.

    If you want to prove these people wrong just come down to a few of the conferences where people are not paid and you can see that most of the speakers are just looking for attention.

    The other issues with that is that instead of sharing something then those same people end up trying to sell something because they want to get something economically out of speaking for free.

    • http://www.cc-chapman.com/ C.C. Chapman

      Yes, saying no has certainly hurt my wallet more than once, but you are correct that the mental cost of saying yes would have been worse in some cases.

      Again, it isn’t just a money issue, but more of a value one. If I’m giving value to you, than I need something of value in return. Exactly what that is can be a million different things.

  • http://twitter.com/cammipham CamMi Pham

    I think it is very important to learn to say no. my mom always remind it. We need to focus on the people who bring the most value. life is short we dont have time to do thing that don’t bring any value.

    Even if we do anything for free we should ask for something in return…it make both party more serious. my mom always helps the client who couldn’t afford her she never tell them its free….she told them that they can pay her whenever they have the money…she never expect to get it…but that makes her clients don’t feel like they own her..

  • http://twitter.com/MackCollier Mack Collier

    It’s interesting because I’ve been on both sides of the fence, I’ve dealt with event organizers that want me to speak, and I’ve worked with groups about helping them put on conferences.

    I will make two points:

    1 – The expenses for these events add up MUCH quicker than you would expect. I know people that routinely run events that charge $1,000 a head and barely break even. And that’s with minimal compensation for speakers.

    2 – Having said that, there’s NO excuse for event organizers not making an attempt to compensate speakers. Maybe they can’t pay a speaking fee, but how about travel at least? Can’t pay that? Ok, can you at least pick me up from the airport? Can you bring in a photographer and videographer so I get some professional headshots and a free, HD video of my presentation that I can add to my speakers reel? Can we barter in exchange for my speaking?

    The point is, if the event values the speaker’s time and expertise, they can typically find a way to offer the speaker SOME form of compensation, even if it isn’t money. It sounds like the person that contacted you didn’t understand this, and will likely be left with a bunch of speakers that aren’t getting compensated at all.

    • http://www.cc-chapman.com/ C.C. Chapman

      Exactly what I was trying to say Mack, it isn’t always about cash, but should always be about value.

      • http://elainefogel.net Elaine Fogel

        Although I agree somewhat, C.C., there are professional speakers who make all or part of their living from speaking engagements. Value aside, they need to pay their bills like everyone else. Would you ask your dentist to fill a cavity for free? :)

      • http://www.cc-chapman.com/ C.C. Chapman

        And I am one of them. I make a significant part of my living from speaking.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jimkukral Jim Kukral

    Indeed. You’re (we all are) running a business. I don’t speak anywhere near as much as you do though.

  • http://elainefogel.net Elaine Fogel

    Boy, C.C. You hit the nail on the head! Many associations expect their speakers to work for free. As a professional speaker, I have learned to say no, even if they offer to cover my travel expenses. It’s hard to justify charging a fee for some and not others. And what’s with offering to cover my conference registration fee? I wouldn’t be going unless I was speaking!

    Firstly, it takes me a zillion hours to develop a presentation or tweak an existing one. Then, there’s the time away from my office where I could be doing other things.

    Many companies, especially in the digital marketing arena, speak at conferences as part of their lead generation strategy. I don’t do that. I want my audiences to be engaged and enjoy the “show” whether they call me ever again or not. I want to pitch my educational messages, not my services.

    Bottom line… you get what you pay for.

  • http://www.thesocialpath.com DavidGriner

    For me, it all comes down to who is asking and why. I generally don’t require speaker fees, because I’m representing an agency that ideally will benefit from the networking and exposure. (If speaking/consulting/prognosticating were my full-time job, I most certainly would require a fee.)

    However, when you don’t require speaker fees, you open yourself up to more attempts to take advantage of you. If I don’t know the organizer asking me to participate, I often ask some very specific questions about the format:

    Will there be good opportunities to network exclusively with other speakers? Is the speaker’s “free pass” for the full event, or just one day? How will presentations be posted afterword? (If they say “on our slideshare account,” that’s a warning sign that they’re co-opting your insight, not amplifying it.) How much time will I be given to present? Which companies have definitely RSVP’d to attend? Etc.

    The best event planners are ones who always make it a win-win and treat you with respect. The worst ones are just trying to get an impressive lineup by standing on the shoulders of other people’s reputations. It has become far easier to tell one from the other.

  • http://blog.tippingpointlabs.com/blog tpldrew

    CC,
    Love the Hell Yeah! Test. Thanks for turning me onto it.
    - Drew

  • thomsinger

    CC – This is a great article (which goes way beyond speakers…. but for many who work for hire). I asked a meeting planner once if she asked the conference center at the hotel for the rooms and food for free. Her response was one of shock…. she would NEVER ask for that. She was confused as to who would ever consider that (she missed my point).

    My first question when someone from a not-for-profit group wants to waive my speaking fee (and this is for local stuff, as I cannot usually be away from my home without receiving my fee, as my wife and kids have a value too!!) is “Have you paid any other speakers in the last 24 months”. If they have, then I always say no…. as if they value others and not me it just hurts my soul.

  • thomsinger

    Oh… one more thing. I LOVE the link to Derek Sivers “Hell Yeah Test” article. That is GREAT.

  • eSKay

    I am not so prone to commenting, but this hit a nerve. It is valid also for ‘normal’ employees. You want to serve as best you can but sometimes you need to stop and evaluate. In your eagerness to please, are you giving away too much? People, especially employers, colleagues tend to value what they ‘pay’ for either in $$$ or otherwise. Saying yes TOO often lowers value. Your value! Now why would you lower your own value?
    You do need to say no to the good to get to the great!! Great post!!

  • eSKay

    PS: One thing that is helping me personally with this is putting a $$ to my time according to experience, expertise etc. It is harder to ‘give away’ my time when I think of it in $$ equivalent

  • http://twitter.com/MarieWiere Marie Wiere

    This is a great article on valuing yourself. It made me think of employee compensation. Often people accept lower compensation than they are worth, either not realizing how much they are worth, or hoping in time that the company will see their value and pay them more. But if you don’t value yourself others won’t either.
    Ultimately in the case of speakers, your market value is what should be paid regardless of whether or not you would do the speech for free.