Presence

Life is full of things that you never notice until they are gone.

Ever notice how quiet a house sounds when the power is off and then how loud it comes in the moments after the power returns?

Roxie hasn't been gone 48 hours yet and I'm constantly confused by the lack of her presence around me.

I look for her when I get up. I expect her to be laying at the end of the couch. Dropping something on the floor in the kitchen I turned to see her coming to eat it.

I had to run out to the grocery store a few minutes ago and as I put on my boots and hat I turned to tell her she couldn't come with me this time. She wasn't there. I cried my eyes out.

The more I thought about, the more I thought about online and social presence as well.

I chose to go silent online. Yes, I'd look every so often at people's condolences, but I didn't read many feeds.

Fascinating to the business part of my mind was how after sharing the news on all my networks, where and how people reacted.

Facebook easily had the most instant and number of reactions. Hundreds of comments poured in immediately and keep on arriving as I type this. Twitter had a few right after I shared, but less than a dozen. Instagram even had more than Twitter.

The more I thought about it, the more I think too many of us (including myself) take the presence of others online for granted.

We assume that because we are connected, we'll know everything going on with our friends without ever having to reach out and say hello.

The presence of being connected lulls us into thinking that looking at our phone could replace looking into the eyes of someone we care about.

Part of me wants to slap myself for sitting here grieving and thinking about shit like this, but it is how I'm wired and when you sit for hours alone your mind will go to a bunch of different places and this was one of them.

As you read this, perhaps my presence is felt. But, I'm only in your inbox or screen and not really there.

I feel Roxie all around me and yet she isn't here.

This is going to change a lot for me. More than I think I even know yet.