The First Days of 2019

The First Days of 2019

Flipping the calendar to a new year stirs emotions inside of many humans.

We’ve been conditioned that this simple act is the start of new things, the ending of the old, a reset button and an excuse to party our minds out.

Yet, while I tend to start getting reflective the middle of every December as my birthday and the holidays approach, New Years has always baffled me a bit. The fact that it happens in the middle a season has always been the strangest thing to me. Wouldn’t it make more sense that the magical reset would happen at the changing of a season? We go with the end side of the coin and go with autumn or take a more positive side and go with spring.

These are the sorts of wondering I do quite often.

I started 2019 at 4 am like I do every day. Jaz quietly jumped up and laid her head on top of my neck. Her subtle way of waking me up and saying good morning.

Dylan was still awake in our living room. He informed me that he has a tradition of always staying up all night to see in a new year.

He passed on Bird Box so we watched Venom. A fun bit of escape between a father and son before the sun even rose on the new year.

When he decided it was time to sleep I chose what my first new book to read would be. I still try to flip back and forth between fiction and nonfiction. Since I had just finished Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere, I decided to finally tackle the Autobiography of Mark Twain: Volume 1. So far it is not the book I was expecting, but I’m loving it.

Yesterday, my parents came down for a surprise visit to see Dylan again before he heads back to school. It was a nice chilled day. I got a kick out of my father asking me if I had chosen my three words yet for this year.

I hadn’t yet, but I have certainly been thinking about them a bunch. As is part of my tradition, I read last years post to see how I did and to make sure I didn’t repeat.

As is the norm, there were a variety of words bouncing around in my head. Yesterday, I continued to think about them and this post sat as a draft on my screen longing for me to come back and add more words and eventually to hit the publish button.

This morning I watched the documentary McQueen and am reminded again how tormented most creatives are. Different demons for each of us, but the curse of the creative is that you’re never fully satisfied with what you put out in the world.

I’m not going to stress over my three words. Too many tie themselves to the deadlined railroad tracks of their own creation. Insisting that something needs to be done, shared or else.

The new year is here and I know what I’m focusing on, but I haven’t found them yet. When I do I’ll share them.

Hope 2019 has started off well for you. Hope the days to come are more positive than not. Hope our paths cross in person for a hug, a meal, a conversation or a quick catch up.


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