No COVID-19 Hustle For Me
When future generations look back and wonder, “What did Great Grampa Chapman do during the Quarantine of 2020?” I would love them to be able to point to the book on their virtual shelf as the answer. But, as we sit here in the first days of April, I know that won’t be the case.
The original plan for my Spring Break from Wheaton was to spend quality time diving into my next book. I have it roughly sketched out, but I wanted to firm up the outline and add some meat to the bones. Perhaps even knock out the first 10,000 words or so.
As we all know, reality shifted at that time, and as our country began to wake up to the fact that things would get worse, my mind certainly didn’t focus on writing since there were much more significant issues that had to be dealt with.
I am wired to help others. It is my prime directive.
Right now, with being locked down at home, that means assisting my students, our kids, and friends in any way I can. That is what I’ve been focusing on.
The truth is I’m not motivated to write, learn a new skill, or better myself. I’m too worried about the tens of thousands of people who are going to die over the coming weeks. I’m angry that we have people in power who are more concerned with their numbers than they are about healthcare workers having the supplies and tests they need to save people.
Our country is fucked right now. It is the worse season of a shitty reality show, and even with rumors of a possible season finale on the horizon, that doesn’t mean that our next show will be any better. Who am I kidding, at this point anything would be better than now.
We all have too much time on our hands. Yes, I’m still teaching three courses, meeting with students, grading assignments, and starting to plan my online class for this summer. I’m also trying to balance having an adult child home doing their schooling remote while trying not to worry every moment about my other child being on the other side of the country doing the same.
My wife leaves every morning to go to work at a hospital where there is not enough PPE, COVID-19 tests, or room for what might come next. While her direct patient interaction might be minimal, it isn’t zero, and thus I’m concerned. I make sure that we have a home-cooked and nourishing meal ready to go when she arrives home and instantly takes a shower.
As I said, I’m keeping busy. I would love to say that I’m using the off hours to do more, but the truth is I can’t. I haven’t even been able to read or binge-watch anything. I don’t know why. I use to read every morning, but the escape hasn’t been there for me. I do dive into a video game every so often (Division 2, go figure?), but even that is limited and not too much.
The reason for sharing this is to say to each of you that it is ok NOT to be crazy productive during these days. I know all the hustle harder crew has dialed things up to eleven and make it sound as if you can ignore reality and spend every hour learning new skills, working out, and setting up your new online course to sell to the masses.
If you can do that, go for it and kick ass doing it. I’ll be cheering you on.
But, to all of you filled with more worry and concern than motivation, that is normal and acceptable. Not that you needed my pat on the back, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
Our new normal is scary. I swing from frustration to rage to unbearable worry. The drive to do more is there, but so is the sloth of uncertainty.
I hoped to distract myself by learning to 3D print. There was a printer just hanging out in one of the maker spaces at school, and I received permission to liberate it. Of course, it was there because it wasn’t working right, so now I’ve been troubleshooting a machine I know nothing about. Thankfully all the videos, tech support, and individuals trying to help me have been a nice distraction, but I haven’t been able to give it the deep focus it needs. Maybe this weekend?
Writing is therapy to me, and while my journal sees more of them than anywhere else these days, I sometimes know what I share helps others, so that is why the keys are clicking away this morning.
We are living in the scariest days I’ve known in my life. The known enemy that we can’t see lurks around every corner and on every surface. To fight is to stay away and stay home. I can do that.
Most of us will get through this, but many won’t. That fact lingers over my head and in my heart every minute of the day and can’t be escaped.
Do what you need to do to get through these days. Don’t compare yourself to others and how well they appear to be doing.
Stay safe out there and be kind to each other.
